Solitude: midnight rants

Solitude. To be lack of human interaction. How did it come about?

Was it a result of your poor personality? Or perhaps your own lack of motivation to interact? Or could it be because other chose to leave you out? Or you chose to be left out?

I was in the midst of watching Something borrowed (2011). And I think about my half-watched film day and night. Perhaps I wanted this to be a sign from God. That both of us were waiting for something that we both wanted but didn't take it. Someone to tell me that we were Rach and Dex. (but I'm against cheating.. See next paragraph)

Then I thought again about how Rach and Dex made choices. So many times, so many chances to "right" their path. And they chose to lie. To someone dear to them. I can't say that's how the movie ended. But I will be waiting to finish it soon.

And meanwhile, I would say solitude is choice. You may not be a social pariah, but if you chose to be left alone, and you shall be, left.alone.

As for Rach and Dex (part 1 of movie), i believe deception always paves way to destruction and ultimately, solitude.

Well, chose they did. (Yoda-ish me would say)

Graduation is just the beginning

Like all blog entries are spun into tiny urls and 140 character tweets (unless you arguably use tweetlonger), I'm gonna be the pyscho to do otherwise. "It came from a tweet" is how my entry goes:

Many times I was asked to think of how to answer question like "Why should I hire you over other candidates?",  "How can you be an asset to our company?" and that put me on the endless loop of "I'm here to contribute all that I've mastered in my 22 years lifespan".

I stopped thinking about learning. I went to work each day eager to show off all that shallow knowledge that I possess. And often, I came back knowing that I'm defeated by my experienced colleagues/superiors. Feel sad, read up abit, sleep and move on.

But Life is kind to me. It gave me a wake-up slap to this self-defeating routine. It came in the form of insurance. No kidding. It didn't take one day. It slapped me hard for about 2 months (yes some kids are just naturally slower).

The story was simple.

First things first, I need to be insured. 
Based on personal experiences (as a salesperson) and judgement, I'm extremely cautious to a salesperson's recommendations. I'm not saying they're liars. It's a job, someone has to do it.
My primary concern is self-interest.
Or in fancy jargon, the principal-agent problem.
Or in layman terms, I would like to get the cheapest deal (coz I'm a cheapo), but he would like to up-sell pricey stuffs (coz commissions are just so attractive).
I'm NOT saying all salesperson ignore customer's needs for personal gains btw.

Thus, my concerns lead me to reading up blogs and forums from independent viewpoints, using the Word-of-Mouth source of information, because they are more neutral/independent parties.

And I stopped and asked myself, haven't I took that wealth planning module where my professor had to show off how her property in Australia?
I did. I studied hard, memorised my life-cycle curve and definitions of co-insurance.
But did it helped me in deciding whether to get that limited pay whole-life insurance with an annual premium of 110% of my monthly GROSS salary??!
No, it didn't.   
(btw I hoped it wasn't in Queensland, coz a major flood just happened months ago)

What stopped me from making ridiculous moves to commit a financial suicide? My friend did. He not only stopped me from the reckless cliff dive, he gave me baits so I could fish for myself. And I woke up and fished. And I learnt. And I understood there's always something new to learn.

Graduation is not the end, but a new beginning.
Yes, my graduating friends, you will still have to come up with reasons to "Why should I hire you over other candidates?" to get that job.
But you shouldn't be so caught up with living up to your interview answer that you forget you're also out there to learn, because it is only when you've learnt and understood, that you will be able to make informed decisions, for yourself or for your company.


Disclaimer (sorry I can't resist writing this): Blogger is not a certified financial planner. Please seek professional advice and use the above information at your own risk. 


Blogger has no position in private insurance plan and is also in the midst of her quarterlife crisis. :P 

Japan was once home

I'm sure many perished in the devastating floods of Australia East Coast, of Haiti Earthquake, of the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami and of various other reasons in the world. Yes, I do pray for them.

But Why is Japan's disaster particularly nerve wrenching for me? 

Because Japan was once my home. Akita, in particular, was once home. 

It was a place with memories of my first break up (yes, how fucking annoying). It was a place where I met many inspiring new friends from all over the world. It was the place where a lost 19 year old me, found my way through with a cool roomie and my caring Mum and BFF on Skype. And other times crying out on emo J-drama which annoyed my roomie. It was a place where we hang out at each others room and play Big 2, the place where we met up with other Japanese friends for drinking parties, the place where we had random cycling trips into the countryside, the place where we go all crazy over guy-watching, the place like home. All the feelings that regular Singaporean felt when staying in NTU halls. Akita was all that to me.

And Sendai, one of the worst hit areas, was my virgin trip with my exchange mates. That was my first time globetrotting with our less than basic Japanese language skills. And I will never forget the kind people who have helped us along the way. The kind lady at the onsen, who spoke no English but still took an effort to "google translate" everything to us. Another kind lady at the manga cafe who made sure we are ok before she knocked off from her late night shift, because she knew we suck so bad at Japanese, and I happened to be the only one who could speak in Mandarin (Viola for being Chinese again...) And of coz my travelling buddies who didn't mind me tagging along.

It was Sendai that made me feel all jam-packed and ready to take on the world, which lead me to my Europe trip when I was 21. And all the nice people who might still be in Sendai, please be alright. 

And so are the other people whom we've once acquaintanced, from the canteen lady to the dorm manager, and the school nurse (whom I kept visiting) and ALL of the people whom I've met one way or another, even if Akita is barely affected, I hope your family and friends in the other parts of Japan are safe tonight. And my friend in Tokyo, working for Toshiba, I truly admire your fierce loyalty to Japan. 

Finally, a shout-out to our 50 brave volunteers of TEPCO, who selflessly exposed themselves to radiation for the good of the nation and the region, you are the true heroes. You guys really make me want to cry, because while I was typing away with my comparatively unimportant task, the 50 of you are taking the radical task of changing the world for a better. Thank you. おつかれさまでした。本当にどうもありがとうございました。

Photos from 2008 Summer :

 

Secrets

My undying faze for this amazing song. Was it the melancholy or the violin accompaniment? Was it the association with My Sorcerer's Apprentice's sweet romance, Gossip Girl's development for Damien Dalgaard and Jenny Humpfrey, or a mind blowing lyrical choreography? How can one three minute melody capture so much more words has to say?
Perhaps it's how it relates to how much I need to confess all my secrets, in this age of hypocrisy. What wishful thinking, as if there's anyone who wants to hear them. Note it starts with "Tell me what you want to hear."
To whom do I confess to? What do I confess about? There's no story to tell. My life is THAT boring.
Yes, I admit I build Wonderland in my backyard (that is if I ever own one in the first place). I'm the Queen of Hearts. I write the rules. When the story all ends, I will be ready to meet my demise. But before that, "Please don't let me disappear."
I'm one more stop away on the train back to reality...

28 days later

There will be a biowarfare like it did in the film titled "28 days later"... not.
Perhaps 28 days later, I will be food to a vampire, and that will be oooh my gosh, coz I believe in the act of sharing blood to be equivalent to a sexual intercourse between 2 humans. And maybe drink some from my vampire counterpart. =)
But one thing's for certain, 28 days later, it will just be full fledge freedom... Because that accursed CFA will be OVER!!!!

28 days later...

Psychology 101 for the office bitches

Fundamental attribution error (FAE). Also known as actor-observer bias.



When you see your colleague stoning away, you think she's a slacker, hello to FAE, bitches.

Don't you attribute the behavior to one's character.
Try overvaluing the situational effect for a bit.
If the accountants can't release the financials, should the analyst be creating imaginary numbers to analyze?
Go fuck a tree. (I hereby apologize to the trees of the world)

Enough said. I wonder why social psychologists never worked with IO psychologists to solve such a simple issue. Probably coz they're waiting for me to get my PhD in Psychology.

Monday high dinner

The rich has high tea, the working class has high dinner. Wave goodbye to Monday blues with steaming Xiao Long Baos that burst in your mouth.

ごちそうさま。