In the shoes of 2-faced people

By 2-faced people, I mean people who are darn fake.
Why not? We always have idols who are basically packaged and not being themselves. Or those who don't practice what they preach.

I'm not writing this entry to condemn anyone in particular. In fact, the idea of getting to know how fake people feel about themselves (being fake) was what interests me. I mean, c'mon. With so many roles to play in life, some people are just being more impartial about their different roles, and I don't blame for being unable to unify themselves to a single true identity.

Here's how the idea was introduced to me...

Taiwanese Light Novel by Ye Wo (blog)
If you ask me to read even the chinese title, I'm stuck with the first character.
Yes, I know I'm a disgrace to all Chinese, and I'm working on it. But thankfully, there are English translations available.

That's Legend of the Sun Knight. (Though I believe the English title is not that relevant to its Chinese counterpart.)

It's about a knight who works as the Holy messenger of God in a world where the Gods reign. Chosen based on his physical appearance (he has blond hair and blue eyes), he has to be always smiling and forgiving. He has to praise God once in every 3 sentences. But it was all but a facade. Deep down, he's just an angst-y young man. It was really entertaining watching the pains he go through to maintain his holiness.

I just can't help wondering if people around me could be being fake (purpose unknown). And I kinda concluded 2 styles of being fake.
Fake Style 1
You know very well you're darn fake. Example Mr Sun Knight in the light novel mentioned above.

Fake Style 2
You act differently (in other words: fake) unconsciously given the situation. This is some sort of integration into the norm in order to escape harsh punishment from being deviant.

I believe Fake Style 2 is rampant, owing to the fact that people are social creatures and yearns acceptance. Thus, they will behave in ways to fit into the social norm. And that somehow makes Fake Style 2 inevitable.

But Fake Style 1 guys are really amusing. Especially Mr Sun Knight. The King of all Hypocrites. I'll totally be waiting for more updates, or just go on to practice reading in trad chinese characters.


And for those who had been following my entries (this one), none of the theories pertaining to non-bleeding conditions were true because this gal is now bleeding like a true blue oestrogen/progesterone babe. =P

She will be loved

To entirely honest, I was just counting to laugh at U kiss, this korean boyband in their variety show U kiss Vampire and then hit the sack, but somehow their campfire conversations made me cry for real.

I don't really know the members by name (I suck at korean pronunciation) but there was 2 particular stories  I felt was extremely striking and somehow you just can't help being helpless.

Soohyun lost his dad when he was in grade 2 (approx Primary 1 in Singapore, 7 years old), saying he was stupid not to realise how his dad wasn't going to get better. 


And yes, I think we're always stupid, 7 year old, 17 year old whichever. There's no helping to not knowing when someone leaves you forever. Not knowing when it will be the last time you will see someone, be it family, friends and even rivals. Everything else, job performance, money becomes so trivial.


Kiseop recovered from depression because of his mum's love. He was depressed from repeated failures to enter the "idol" industry. He snapped out of it because he knows his mum is supportive of him and feels for his pains. 


Kevin was crying in the scene. I was too. Because I have been through times where I know she stood by me. I always thought I will never get married and have kids because I am not confident of giving my children that kind of selfless love. And my parents are the major market spoilers.


I have to say that was too much depth for a laugh-yourself-to-sleep variety show. But I do take away one thing for the night, that is no matter what happens, Maroon 5's got it right: She will be loved, not just by the significant other, but by everyone else too.

Doubting my womanhood

This is a personal issue and it involves blood.
Well basically, I have not been ovulating as much as I should be. And this is when I start to speculate alot about what's happening to me.

Theory 1: Hysterical Pregnancy
Put forth by popular culture, namely Glee, Schuster's wife or ex-wife (sorry for the spoiler for laggards), I may be having some false pregnancy, accompanied by lack of male sexual companions at a sexually viable age. At least this explains the random nausea after my inception movie...


Theory 2: Ovaries in command
This is my own hypothesis that my ovaries are delaying ovulation by the cycle to conserve ova when the male sexual companions finally comes into the picture.

Theory 3: Lifestyle of a POW
By POW, I meant prisoner of war. What war? I'm curious too. But apparently, change in diet and heavy exercise can disrupt the cycles, I associate major lifestyle changes as mention above to be caused by war... Ok, I was irregular since final year and the problem persisted through my Europe backpacking trip (yes. I carry a dozen sanitary pads all over Europe and end up not having to use them) and up to today (YOG practices = too much exercise?)

Theory 4: Pre-mature Menopause
Menopause at the age of 22 is NO joke. I should just get myself a title on Guinness World Records.

Theory 5: Surrogated Unknowingly
Like how aliens abduct your Sims and they return to give birth to the alien race in the game of the Sims, I could have been unknowingly surrogated and thus pregnant and unable to menstruate.

Theory 6: Spiked with the Pill
Could my entire life by a reality TV show, like the Truman Show? And on and off, the sponsors, in this case the contraceptive pill marketers, are demonstrating to the viewers the effects of how the Pill can regulate cycles. So they spiked my food and drinks with the Pill, thus ovulation deficiency.

Theory 7: I'm a hermaphrodite
Without the scrotum and the penis, that is. And the male part is surfacing now due to a testosterone overdose.

But all in all, I'm still regularly girl-ish. I could be fantasizing over Megan Fox, but that doesn't stop me from checking out that guy outside Oschool just now. Did I mention guys who can dance can be hotter than the regular guys? Like Taemin compared to other SHINee guys. =D

And I hate the way the doctors handle my cases from time to time. Not bleeding for close to 4-5 months is NOT normal, especially when I'm like extra virgin (yes like olive oil...). And stop giving me pregnancy kits for God's sake!!

Anyways, complaints aside, I still embrace my womanhood, like how I keep noticing my boobs shrunk. Yea... I did noticed that..

The story of Metamorphosis

Today, I am going to do a common entry for this blog and my more depressed blog. Basically coz I believe everyone, no matter how optimistic, will have their days down. So why do I have to hide the fact that I'm down? It's my human right.


Have you ever admired how butterflies flock from flowers to flowers with their beautiful wings flapping in the sky? (Never mind if you have butterfly-phobia...) As agents of pollination, they help turn flowers to fruits so that the plant continue to survive and reproduce and the world will be a big nice garden for us all.

Now here's the childhood/secondary school era story about the butterfly. There was one little boy who kept  his pet caterpillar for the sake of watching it turn into a beautiful butterfly. He watched it grew, turned into a pupa and all. But one fine day, he was watching how the would-be butterfly struggle out of its cocoon. "Oh let's help it", so he thought, and went to aid the butterfly get out of its cocoon with the snip of his scissors. The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with shriveled wings.

Here's the catch. The butterfly is supposed to struggle so that it can fully develop its wings and get the fluid out of its swollen body so that it can take flight.

I thought of how we are so preoccupied about our million distractions in life and anxious about getting the job done, we forgot how it was the process and journey that mattered most.
Struggle is a precursor to growth. Yes, I may not be the best, but I will try hard to be the best that I can be. Call this self-consolation whichever, I don't give a f*ck.

To turn from pupa to adult is no easy feat for the butterfly. I don't see why in this complex society we create for ourselves, turning adult is any easier. Age doesn't turn you into an adult. It's the Social Identity and who we are; it's the Solidarity and integration into the society; it's the Intimacy and seeking for the special one (at least according to my favourite Erik Erikson's developmental theory).


But here's an irony and what I reckon is the reason behind stunted struggle attempts of fresh grads and source of office politics for the others in pursuit to climb the corporate ladder.
The saying goes:
Give me a fish, you've only fed me for today. Teach me to fish, and you've fed me for a lifetime. 
But of course there's a crucial part the author forgot:
Teach me to fish, and there's lesser fish to go around and we may both go hungry. 

Cruel reality of demand and supply huh?

She's so hot I'm gonna dieeee

Coming from a variation of Despicable Me's Agnes's most loved quote for her FLUFFY unicorn, I'm totally doing that Agnes's thing at Megan Fox.

She's so hooot I'm gonna diee!!! 


Here's the epic shot of Megan Fox from Transformers (2007).
]
Aww... I wish I was him. Or even Amanda Seyfried, or even the goth and football dudes who died in Jennifer's Body (2009).

Sexy behind the scenes of the lake scene.

Ok, I will admit, she's so yummy I decide to watch Jennifer's Body despite how crappy the story went. And boy, I'm turning all lesbo now.

But then coming from Megan Fox during one of her interviews
"all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes" 
She can't be more right. I absolutely subscribe to this goddess's belief. (Ok.. But technically I'm still heterosexual.) 


And I guess that's Happy National (Independence) Day Singapore, since it's past midnight according to GMT +8:00. May the nation continue to prosper the way the fireworks go KaboomZ in the night skyline (so that as a citizen, I can hurry up get a well-fitted job).

Procrastination kills the dog?

Since curiosity already killed the cat.

I love how insanely quirky my humour can be at times.
So this time I'm writing back @ World of small things for 2 main reasons:
1. I'm an angst-y unemployed degree holder with second lower class honours with no purpose in life other than write a blog, since I'm not qualified write journals or articles.
2. Why hole up the angst and cry at night? Just vent them here. Duh...

As you can see, the world had been unkind to this midget standing 147cm, perhaps for her inconspicuous height, or her 2nd tier bachelor.

Or let's just say I'm the adventurous working class kid venturing into possibilities of social class mobility. That always makes it sound like I'm a all damn important heroine in your daily manga feed. And to some point, I am sure I am that heroine who makes you laugh till you tear, cry along at her plight and inspire you from the bottom of your heart. (So Thumbelina's optimism can actually be derived from writing a blog entry)

Besides, like how athletes should separate sports performance from self-esteem, your all important manga heroine has to do the same to separate corporate penetration performance from self-esteem. After all, who needs a boring heroine?

Mission 14: Ipod Touch

When you thought the world is simple if you're using a Macbook with an Ipod Touch.

THINK AGAIN.
Seriously. That copyright thing with itunes got me going round and round like a hopeless noob.
Isn't this supposed to be easy?
Sorry Apple/Ipod fans out there. This complain has to go down.

1st of all:
> I cannot backup my mp3 from Ipod to itunes. It works one way.

> You thought you have the Copytrans? Oh wait, only works in Windows OS.

> And you thought boot camp solves it all. Oh Wait... w/o itunes in Windows 7, Ipod is a Camera device.

> And finally you get it all going, oh CRAP, trail version only allows 100 songs backup.

Nvm that I decided my friend's playlist is superior enough to command some space in that 8 GB.

Man I'm thrown and I don't know what to do

I guess I got to give part 2 of my complaints

(Lyrics ripped off from Confessions part II by Usher)

> Nvm about the danger of Sync-ing my itunes with the Ipod and killing its contents in the blink of an eye

> Oh I can't upload Apps one by one using itunes w/o using the Sync function and killing all existing Apps already in the Ipod.

I know nobody borrows Ipod touch these days since kids are affluent enough to own Iphones. No kidding. A stone throw and any of those school uniform clad fellas can summon an Iphone out of their school uniform's pocket.

And here, we have an oddball, 20 something, having to suffer the consequences of copyright protection by itunes, just because she decided to borrow a good old Ipod from a friend.

Geesh. I'm tired. Grateful but tired.

Countdown to trip : 3 days