Solitude. To be lack of human interaction. How did it come about?
Was it a result of your poor personality? Or perhaps your own lack of motivation to interact? Or could it be because other chose to leave you out? Or you chose to be left out?
I was in the midst of watching Something borrowed (2011). And I think about my half-watched film day and night. Perhaps I wanted this to be a sign from God. That both of us were waiting for something that we both wanted but didn't take it. Someone to tell me that we were Rach and Dex. (but I'm against cheating.. See next paragraph)
Then I thought again about how Rach and Dex made choices. So many times, so many chances to "right" their path. And they chose to lie. To someone dear to them. I can't say that's how the movie ended. But I will be waiting to finish it soon.
And meanwhile, I would say solitude is choice. You may not be a social pariah, but if you chose to be left alone, and you shall be, left.alone.
As for Rach and Dex (part 1 of movie), i believe deception always paves way to destruction and ultimately, solitude.
Well, chose they did. (Yoda-ish me would say)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Graduation is just the beginning
Like all blog entries are spun into tiny urls and 140 character tweets (unless you arguably use tweetlonger), I'm gonna be the pyscho to do otherwise. "It came from a tweet" is how my entry goes:
Many times I was asked to think of how to answer question like "Why should I hire you over other candidates?", "How can you be an asset to our company?" and that put me on the endless loop of "I'm here to contribute all that I've mastered in my 22 years lifespan".
I stopped thinking about learning. I went to work each day eager to show off all that shallow knowledge that I possess. And often, I came back knowing that I'm defeated by my experienced colleagues/superiors. Feel sad, read up abit, sleep and move on.
But Life is kind to me. It gave me a wake-up slap to this self-defeating routine. It came in the form of insurance. No kidding. It didn't take one day. It slapped me hard for about 2 months (yes some kids are just naturally slower).
The story was simple.
First things first, I need to be insured.
Based on personal experiences (as a salesperson) and judgement, I'm extremely cautious to a salesperson's recommendations. I'm not saying they're liars. It's a job, someone has to do it.
My primary concern is self-interest.
Or in fancy jargon, the principal-agent problem.
Or in layman terms, I would like to get the cheapest deal (coz I'm a cheapo), but he would like to up-sell pricey stuffs (coz commissions are just so attractive).
I'm NOT saying all salesperson ignore customer's needs for personal gains btw.
Thus, my concerns lead me to reading up blogs and forums from independent viewpoints, using the Word-of-Mouth source of information, because they are more neutral/independent parties.
And I stopped and asked myself, haven't I took that wealth planning module where my professor had to show off how her property in Australia?
I did. I studied hard, memorised my life-cycle curve and definitions of co-insurance.
But did it helped me in deciding whether to get that limited pay whole-life insurance with an annual premium of 110% of my monthly GROSS salary??!
No, it didn't.
(btw I hoped it wasn't in Queensland, coz a major flood just happened months ago)
What stopped me from making ridiculous moves to commit a financial suicide? My friend did. He not only stopped me from the reckless cliff dive, he gave me baits so I could fish for myself. And I woke up and fished. And I learnt. And I understood there's always something new to learn.
Graduation is not the end, but a new beginning.
Yes, my graduating friends, you will still have to come up with reasons to "Why should I hire you over other candidates?" to get that job.
But you shouldn't be so caught up with living up to your interview answer that you forget you're also out there to learn, because it is only when you've learnt and understood, that you will be able to make informed decisions, for yourself or for your company.
Disclaimer (sorry I can't resist writing this): Blogger is not a certified financial planner. Please seek professional advice and use the above information at your own risk.
Blogger has no position in private insurance plan and is also in the midst of her quarterlife crisis. :P
Many times I was asked to think of how to answer question like "Why should I hire you over other candidates?", "How can you be an asset to our company?" and that put me on the endless loop of "I'm here to contribute all that I've mastered in my 22 years lifespan".
I stopped thinking about learning. I went to work each day eager to show off all that shallow knowledge that I possess. And often, I came back knowing that I'm defeated by my experienced colleagues/superiors. Feel sad, read up abit, sleep and move on.
But Life is kind to me. It gave me a wake-up slap to this self-defeating routine. It came in the form of insurance. No kidding. It didn't take one day. It slapped me hard for about 2 months (yes some kids are just naturally slower).
The story was simple.
First things first, I need to be insured.
Based on personal experiences (as a salesperson) and judgement, I'm extremely cautious to a salesperson's recommendations. I'm not saying they're liars. It's a job, someone has to do it.
My primary concern is self-interest.
Or in fancy jargon, the principal-agent problem.
Or in layman terms, I would like to get the cheapest deal (coz I'm a cheapo), but he would like to up-sell pricey stuffs (coz commissions are just so attractive).
I'm NOT saying all salesperson ignore customer's needs for personal gains btw.
Thus, my concerns lead me to reading up blogs and forums from independent viewpoints, using the Word-of-Mouth source of information, because they are more neutral/independent parties.
And I stopped and asked myself, haven't I took that wealth planning module where my professor had to show off how her property in Australia?
I did. I studied hard, memorised my life-cycle curve and definitions of co-insurance.
But did it helped me in deciding whether to get that limited pay whole-life insurance with an annual premium of 110% of my monthly GROSS salary??!
No, it didn't.
(btw I hoped it wasn't in Queensland, coz a major flood just happened months ago)
What stopped me from making ridiculous moves to commit a financial suicide? My friend did. He not only stopped me from the reckless cliff dive, he gave me baits so I could fish for myself. And I woke up and fished. And I learnt. And I understood there's always something new to learn.
Graduation is not the end, but a new beginning.
Yes, my graduating friends, you will still have to come up with reasons to "Why should I hire you over other candidates?" to get that job.
But you shouldn't be so caught up with living up to your interview answer that you forget you're also out there to learn, because it is only when you've learnt and understood, that you will be able to make informed decisions, for yourself or for your company.
Disclaimer (sorry I can't resist writing this): Blogger is not a certified financial planner. Please seek professional advice and use the above information at your own risk.
Blogger has no position in private insurance plan and is also in the midst of her quarterlife crisis. :P
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Japan was once home
I'm sure many perished in the devastating floods of Australia East Coast, of Haiti Earthquake, of the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami and of various other reasons in the world. Yes, I do pray for them.
It was a place with memories of my first break up (yes, how fucking annoying). It was a place where I met many inspiring new friends from all over the world. It was the place where a lost 19 year old me, found my way through with a cool roomie and my caring Mum and BFF on Skype. And other times crying out on emo J-drama which annoyed my roomie. It was a place where we hang out at each others room and play Big 2, the place where we met up with other Japanese friends for drinking parties, the place where we had random cycling trips into the countryside, the place where we go all crazy over guy-watching, the place like home. All the feelings that regular Singaporean felt when staying in NTU halls. Akita was all that to me.
Finally, a shout-out to our 50 brave volunteers of TEPCO, who selflessly exposed themselves to radiation for the good of the nation and the region, you are the true heroes. You guys really make me want to cry, because while I was typing away with my comparatively unimportant task, the 50 of you are taking the radical task of changing the world for a better. Thank you. おつかれさまでした。本当にどうもありがとうございました。
But Why is Japan's disaster particularly nerve wrenching for me?
Because Japan was once my home. Akita, in particular, was once home.
It was a place with memories of my first break up (yes, how fucking annoying). It was a place where I met many inspiring new friends from all over the world. It was the place where a lost 19 year old me, found my way through with a cool roomie and my caring Mum and BFF on Skype. And other times crying out on emo J-drama which annoyed my roomie. It was a place where we hang out at each others room and play Big 2, the place where we met up with other Japanese friends for drinking parties, the place where we had random cycling trips into the countryside, the place where we go all crazy over guy-watching, the place like home. All the feelings that regular Singaporean felt when staying in NTU halls. Akita was all that to me.And Sendai, one of the worst hit areas, was my virgin trip with my exchange mates. That was my first time globetrotting with our less than basic Japanese language skills. And I will never forget the kind people who have helped us along the way. The kind lady at the onsen, who spoke no English but still took an effort to "google translate" everything to us. Another kind lady at the manga cafe who made sure we are ok before she knocked off from her late night shift, because she knew we suck so bad at Japanese, and I happened to be the only one who could speak in Mandarin (Viola for being Chinese again...) And of coz my travelling buddies who didn't mind me tagging along.
It was Sendai that made me feel all jam-packed and ready to take on the world, which lead me to my Europe trip when I was 21. And all the nice people who might still be in Sendai, please be alright.
And so are the other people whom we've once acquaintanced, from the canteen lady to the dorm manager, and the school nurse (whom I kept visiting) and ALL of the people whom I've met one way or another, even if Akita is barely affected, I hope your family and friends in the other parts of Japan are safe tonight. And my friend in Tokyo, working for Toshiba, I truly admire your fierce loyalty to Japan.
Finally, a shout-out to our 50 brave volunteers of TEPCO, who selflessly exposed themselves to radiation for the good of the nation and the region, you are the true heroes. You guys really make me want to cry, because while I was typing away with my comparatively unimportant task, the 50 of you are taking the radical task of changing the world for a better. Thank you. おつかれさまでした。本当にどうもありがとうございました。
Photos from 2008 Summer :
Monday, February 7, 2011
Secrets
My undying faze for this amazing song. Was it the melancholy or the violin accompaniment? Was it the association with My Sorcerer's Apprentice's sweet romance, Gossip Girl's development for Damien Dalgaard and Jenny Humpfrey, or a mind blowing lyrical choreography? How can one three minute melody capture so much more words has to say?
Perhaps it's how it relates to how much I need to confess all my secrets, in this age of hypocrisy. What wishful thinking, as if there's anyone who wants to hear them. Note it starts with "Tell me what you want to hear."
To whom do I confess to? What do I confess about? There's no story to tell. My life is THAT boring.
Yes, I admit I build Wonderland in my backyard (that is if I ever own one in the first place). I'm the Queen of Hearts. I write the rules. When the story all ends, I will be ready to meet my demise. But before that, "Please don't let me disappear."
I'm one more stop away on the train back to reality...
Perhaps it's how it relates to how much I need to confess all my secrets, in this age of hypocrisy. What wishful thinking, as if there's anyone who wants to hear them. Note it starts with "Tell me what you want to hear."
To whom do I confess to? What do I confess about? There's no story to tell. My life is THAT boring.
Yes, I admit I build Wonderland in my backyard (that is if I ever own one in the first place). I'm the Queen of Hearts. I write the rules. When the story all ends, I will be ready to meet my demise. But before that, "Please don't let me disappear."
I'm one more stop away on the train back to reality...
Sunday, November 7, 2010
28 days later
There will be a biowarfare like it did in the film titled "28 days later"... not.
Perhaps 28 days later, I will be food to a vampire, and that will be oooh my gosh, coz I believe in the act of sharing blood to be equivalent to a sexual intercourse between 2 humans. And maybe drink some from my vampire counterpart. =)
But one thing's for certain, 28 days later, it will just be full fledge freedom... Because that accursed CFA will be OVER!!!!
28 days later...
Perhaps 28 days later, I will be food to a vampire, and that will be oooh my gosh, coz I believe in the act of sharing blood to be equivalent to a sexual intercourse between 2 humans. And maybe drink some from my vampire counterpart. =)
But one thing's for certain, 28 days later, it will just be full fledge freedom... Because that accursed CFA will be OVER!!!!
28 days later...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Psychology 101 for the office bitches
Fundamental attribution error (FAE). Also known as actor-observer bias.
When you see your colleague stoning away, you think she's a slacker, hello to FAE, bitches.
Don't you attribute the behavior to one's character.
Try overvaluing the situational effect for a bit.
If the accountants can't release the financials, should the analyst be creating imaginary numbers to analyze?
Go fuck a tree. (I hereby apologize to the trees of the world)
Enough said. I wonder why social psychologists never worked with IO psychologists to solve such a simple issue. Probably coz they're waiting for me to get my PhD in Psychology.
When you see your colleague stoning away, you think she's a slacker, hello to FAE, bitches.
Don't you attribute the behavior to one's character.
Try overvaluing the situational effect for a bit.
If the accountants can't release the financials, should the analyst be creating imaginary numbers to analyze?
Go fuck a tree. (I hereby apologize to the trees of the world)
Enough said. I wonder why social psychologists never worked with IO psychologists to solve such a simple issue. Probably coz they're waiting for me to get my PhD in Psychology.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Monday high dinner
The rich has high tea, the working class has high dinner. Wave goodbye to Monday blues with steaming Xiao Long Baos that burst in your mouth.
ごちそうさま。
ごちそうさま。
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Being psycho is no joke.
"Psycho" is so common in pop. culture.
Despite how Lady Gaga sang "I want your psycho" in Bad Romance, being psycho is really no joke.
If you're psycho, who will want to marry you?
Who can be sure you won't murder the kids late at night? Won't suicide-burn your house?
Who would listen and believe every word you say?
Who would then understand some words you said are meant only as a joke?
Who will take you seriously?
And if the social stigma is so great, why would the psycho own up?
Why should they admit they're psycho, if people will alienate and exclude them?
And then the psychos becomes closet psychos, making everyone you meet a probable psycho.
Why can't we treat them better? Can we have a psycho-accepting society?
Despite how Lady Gaga sang "I want your psycho" in Bad Romance, being psycho is really no joke.
If you're psycho, who will want to marry you?
Who can be sure you won't murder the kids late at night? Won't suicide-burn your house?
Who would listen and believe every word you say?
Who would then understand some words you said are meant only as a joke?
Who will take you seriously?
And if the social stigma is so great, why would the psycho own up?
Why should they admit they're psycho, if people will alienate and exclude them?
And then the psychos becomes closet psychos, making everyone you meet a probable psycho.
Why can't we treat them better? Can we have a psycho-accepting society?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Koi to clementi~
I just thought this buzzing rumour is too good to be true:
Koi to Clementi ~!!!
Photo credits: http://teaplayground.onsugar.com/Review-TBS-scrub-KOIs-coming-10896740
Oh but wait... Gothere.sg revealed the truth to be less than comforting... The store is at least half a kilometre from the station.
Looks like abstinence from bubble tea is inevitable... They must be playing on my diminishing marginal utility to make it so hard to get Koi... =(
Koi to Clementi ~!!!
Photo credits: http://teaplayground.onsugar.com/Review-TBS-scrub-KOIs-coming-10896740
Oh but wait... Gothere.sg revealed the truth to be less than comforting... The store is at least half a kilometre from the station.
Looks like abstinence from bubble tea is inevitable... They must be playing on my diminishing marginal utility to make it so hard to get Koi... =(
Friday, September 3, 2010
Email turned blog
Full version of the story for Mr. WYK.
Yes.... Those were the crux of my life crisis now.
On a side note:
And even if all else fail, I didn't actually want to be a journalist. It's just because it's a common track that journalists turn into authors. Yes. I wanted to be an author. Since sec 2, I think. Yes, I'm that random Stephanie Meyer wannabe. I mean Twilight isn't that fantastic. It's just soft porn to some extend.
But why didn't I take E.Lit? Coz the teacher despise Chinese speaking students (neighbourhood school environment btw) and I in turn despise her for despising us.
Oh psych/soci and fiction ties, coz I've been analysing stories I've read and the settings/characters almost ALWAYS ends up to be an innovating deviant (even our dearest Bella Swan of Twilight). If I could psychoanalyse them (fictitious characters), I will, because I'm just so interested to get to know more about his/her mind. To put it simply, if I can have superpowers, I would want to be a mind reader (like our dearest Edward Cullen, probably minus the diamond-skin-in-the-sun-bullshyt).
Oh and NONE of my stories actually made sense in terms of setting (like location) simply because I can't fit that Singapore thing. It kills the idea. And I wasn't in Europe long enough for the feeling to sink in. And I was in Japan long enough, but English can hardly express Japanese expressions (such as the なか and そと concept). ARGH damnit.
I'm off to bed. Sian. Still stuck in crisis...
Screw the settings... Cannot unhighlight my entry now.
Actually, I'm damn stupid. The summarised idea is this: I wanted to major Psychology since dunno when. I use my friend's RP library card just to borrow reading materials coz my JC library/National Lib don't carry them.
Then when I join NTU biz (HAHA. Not psych coz I used to work in a bank, the personal banker uncle told me Psychology 没饭吃 blah blah), I was bent on doing Psych minor. Which I didn't btw, due to a bunch of circumstances I shan't bother you with. When I finally managed to get that Intro to Psych into my schedule, I was Yr 3, and I actually actually really want to switch major but then I cannot abandon FYP mates. Then I read everything before the lecture, turn up to morning lect on time (damn rare), answer the prof in a Lecture like a tiong (first time doing this too). Ok la, but he's an awesome prof really. I'm so into him, you know why? Coz he used to be a Physics major but he switch after an intro to Psych mod in his uni days (and the crush on his teacher. LOL)
Sorry for the detailed summary. So the 重点 is.. even 1 day before my convo ceremony, I actually wanted to go back to admin office and apply to transfer but I thought of my younger sis (tuition loan issues) then I decided I can't be dreaming.
And so after I started work, it occurred to me that even if 1 day I can rise to the top of my current career path: Hedge Fund Manager (highly impossible), the passion to stock pick, trade, hedge, watch bloomberg news whichever is just not in me.
What do I want to do with the PhD or Masters? (probably not stopping at Bachelors) I want to help lots of people. If I become prof, I want to conduct studies to understand social ties, family bonds, marriages, children, to make the world a better place (if they bother to read them, or if APA approved my controversial studies). I thought of forensic psych too, but my primary goal is to help kids with their growing woes, coz during my time, nobody understood mine.
Whichever the case, I'm by personality very idealistic. I boycott tobacco coy employment, because of their bad externalities. I will never sell insurance because it's just selling actuarial statistics on your probable accident rate/chance of death occurring in the next few years. Yes. Basically, I suck so much, my pragmatic engineer acquaintance couldn't stand talking to me. HAHA
Yes.... Those were the crux of my life crisis now.
On a side note:
And even if all else fail, I didn't actually want to be a journalist. It's just because it's a common track that journalists turn into authors. Yes. I wanted to be an author. Since sec 2, I think. Yes, I'm that random Stephanie Meyer wannabe. I mean Twilight isn't that fantastic. It's just soft porn to some extend.
But why didn't I take E.Lit? Coz the teacher despise Chinese speaking students (neighbourhood school environment btw) and I in turn despise her for despising us.
Oh psych/soci and fiction ties, coz I've been analysing stories I've read and the settings/characters almost ALWAYS ends up to be an innovating deviant (even our dearest Bella Swan of Twilight). If I could psychoanalyse them (fictitious characters), I will, because I'm just so interested to get to know more about his/her mind. To put it simply, if I can have superpowers, I would want to be a mind reader (like our dearest Edward Cullen, probably minus the diamond-skin-in-the-sun-bullshyt).
Oh and NONE of my stories actually made sense in terms of setting (like location) simply because I can't fit that Singapore thing. It kills the idea. And I wasn't in Europe long enough for the feeling to sink in. And I was in Japan long enough, but English can hardly express Japanese expressions (such as the なか and そと concept). ARGH damnit.
I'm off to bed. Sian. Still stuck in crisis...
Screw the settings... Cannot unhighlight my entry now.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What I did today entry
You know some people just love to brag and write personal recounts of what they did in a day.
Like XXX's blogspace: Ultimate Lifestyle Blog
23 Aug 2010
I went to do hair at XXX and the service was damn awesome, and the stylist said I'm pretty and reads my blog religiously and LOVES me soo much that she decided that the payment's on her (she's an employee). Here's my new hairdo.
AWESOMENESS isn't it?
Next I went to XXX restaurant and coz I'm so damn famous, the meal was entirely sponsored. The ambience was great and the food was unique. Here's the dish of the day.
It's crunchy on the outside and squishy on the inside. A must try.
Oh BTW tails must not be eaten.
Ambience: Best place to chill and hang out for dinner ever.
Nice people, nice noise, nice body paint.
And I'm so gorgeous I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror soooo much that I have to end this entry with some photos of me.
Testing my new Mac eyeshadow...
PS. Some people add me on Twitter and Facebook thinking I'm Megan Fox, but I'm soo not. That's ME. And please don't request to be my friend if I don't know you personally coz I have like 300 requests to filter everyday.
*** End of entry
Of course, my day won't have gone down like those famous people... *Sarcasm
I happened to collect my overdue cert at JCS when others are registering for the upcoming JLPT in December. Yes, the office lady was being angsty, but they always have always been so (since the last time I went anyways).
And I purchased the 4th cup of Koi for the day, coz it was only bloody 11am in the morning.
And finally I went to Astons at Suntec (no... no mice dish..) and spotted an interesting activity that was filtered by my brain for my past 22 yrs of my life in Singapore.
HUH, you can actually go walk round the Fountain of Wealth? Yep, apparently, you can. Supposed to bring you more good luck.
Why didn't I do that when I was in a fix earlier?? Gesh..
And my email just reminded me of the upcoming *winks winks for MJ.
Ok... No fully sponsored meals. No free hair treatment coz I'm so damn famous.
Porno music/comment time anyone? ROFL.
Like XXX's blogspace: Ultimate Lifestyle Blog
23 Aug 2010
I went to do hair at XXX and the service was damn awesome, and the stylist said I'm pretty and reads my blog religiously and LOVES me soo much that she decided that the payment's on her (she's an employee). Here's my new hairdo.
AWESOMENESS isn't it?
Next I went to XXX restaurant and coz I'm so damn famous, the meal was entirely sponsored. The ambience was great and the food was unique. Here's the dish of the day.
It's crunchy on the outside and squishy on the inside. A must try.
Oh BTW tails must not be eaten.
Ambience: Best place to chill and hang out for dinner ever.
Nice people, nice noise, nice body paint.
And I'm so gorgeous I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror soooo much that I have to end this entry with some photos of me.
Testing my new Mac eyeshadow...
PS. Some people add me on Twitter and Facebook thinking I'm Megan Fox, but I'm soo not. That's ME. And please don't request to be my friend if I don't know you personally coz I have like 300 requests to filter everyday.
*** End of entry
Of course, my day won't have gone down like those famous people... *Sarcasm
I happened to collect my overdue cert at JCS when others are registering for the upcoming JLPT in December. Yes, the office lady was being angsty, but they always have always been so (since the last time I went anyways).
And I purchased the 4th cup of Koi for the day, coz it was only bloody 11am in the morning.
And finally I went to Astons at Suntec (no... no mice dish..) and spotted an interesting activity that was filtered by my brain for my past 22 yrs of my life in Singapore.
HUH, you can actually go walk round the Fountain of Wealth? Yep, apparently, you can. Supposed to bring you more good luck.
Why didn't I do that when I was in a fix earlier?? Gesh..
And my email just reminded me of the upcoming *winks winks for MJ.
Ok... No fully sponsored meals. No free hair treatment coz I'm so damn famous.
Porno music/comment time anyone? ROFL.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Rants of the angsty kid
I'm so fucking annoyed I thought I would die.
First of all, I was waiting to sleep at 930pm.
Then, my meeting only adjourned at 1135pm.
And when I can close up the admin and sleep, Alas, I forgot my CFA registration.
Then I turned on the already shut down macbook to wait 5-10 mins to ENTER the CFA website.
Meanwhile, I tweet twice, and resort to writing a blog WHILE WAITING.
And it's now 1232am and I'm still awake waiting to register myself.
3 reasons to this mishap:
1. I don't have a workable card powered by VISA or MasterCard. Only fucking losers STILL don't own these at this internet age. Internet banking FT to CFAInstitute must be a joke.
2. I'm jobless and broke and even with a debit card I can't pay for my own education. YES. Why am I taking the bloody exam? I question myself from time to time. Why take JLPT? Why waste money studying?! BECAUSE I'm damn angry at this world for making money so bloody important. Working class kid cannot learn 3rd language, just because they're not swimming in money like the others? SCREW that. Yes, I can never learn piano, violin, whichever artsy rubbish from young. But 3rd language? SHUT UP, I will starve myself if it takes that.
3. I'm DISPLEASE at the instability of my macbook/safari whichever. Facebook virus? What?! I didn't watch porn can? Besides, Mac are supposed to virus protected with Snow Leopard OS, not that I understand how exactly that works.
And it's 1239am, ranting and still waiting to be logged in.
Now logged in but CANNOT register still, coz "SHE GOT NO MONEY IN THE BANK".
FML, I can't believe my MJ audition song becomes the OST to my life.
Angst also no use nia. I have to work up some shyt way to get credit ASAP or have to wait till June 2011 for the next intake.
FUCK NO!!!!
Credited and official candidate by 1256am. Thank u Papa Mama for always donating money to this bottomless pit (namely me). I will repay all even if it means starving (I make it sound like ancient chinese drama, and I'm those scholars starving to get educated. WTF)
First of all, I was waiting to sleep at 930pm.
Then, my meeting only adjourned at 1135pm.
And when I can close up the admin and sleep, Alas, I forgot my CFA registration.
Then I turned on the already shut down macbook to wait 5-10 mins to ENTER the CFA website.
Meanwhile, I tweet twice, and resort to writing a blog WHILE WAITING.
And it's now 1232am and I'm still awake waiting to register myself.
3 reasons to this mishap:
1. I don't have a workable card powered by VISA or MasterCard. Only fucking losers STILL don't own these at this internet age. Internet banking FT to CFAInstitute must be a joke.
2. I'm jobless and broke and even with a debit card I can't pay for my own education. YES. Why am I taking the bloody exam? I question myself from time to time. Why take JLPT? Why waste money studying?! BECAUSE I'm damn angry at this world for making money so bloody important. Working class kid cannot learn 3rd language, just because they're not swimming in money like the others? SCREW that. Yes, I can never learn piano, violin, whichever artsy rubbish from young. But 3rd language? SHUT UP, I will starve myself if it takes that.
3. I'm DISPLEASE at the instability of my macbook/safari whichever. Facebook virus? What?! I didn't watch porn can? Besides, Mac are supposed to virus protected with Snow Leopard OS, not that I understand how exactly that works.
And it's 1239am, ranting and still waiting to be logged in.
Now logged in but CANNOT register still, coz "SHE GOT NO MONEY IN THE BANK".
FML, I can't believe my MJ audition song becomes the OST to my life.
Credited and official candidate by 1256am. Thank u Papa Mama for always donating money to this bottomless pit (namely me). I will repay all even if it means starving (I make it sound like ancient chinese drama, and I'm those scholars starving to get educated. WTF)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
In the shoes of 2-faced people
By 2-faced people, I mean people who are darn fake.
Why not? We always have idols who are basically packaged and not being themselves. Or those who don't practice what they preach.
I'm not writing this entry to condemn anyone in particular. In fact, the idea of getting to know how fake people feel about themselves (being fake) was what interests me. I mean, c'mon. With so many roles to play in life, some people are just being more impartial about their different roles, and I don't blame for being unable to unify themselves to a single true identity.
Here's how the idea was introduced to me...
Taiwanese Light Novel by Ye Wo (blog)
If you ask me to read even the chinese title, I'm stuck with the first character.
Yes, I know I'm a disgrace to all Chinese, and I'm working on it. But thankfully, there are English translations available.
That's Legend of the Sun Knight. (Though I believe the English title is not that relevant to its Chinese counterpart.)
It's about a knight who works as the Holy messenger of God in a world where the Gods reign. Chosen based on his physical appearance (he has blond hair and blue eyes), he has to be always smiling and forgiving. He has to praise God once in every 3 sentences. But it was all but a facade. Deep down, he's just an angst-y young man. It was really entertaining watching the pains he go through to maintain his holiness.
I just can't help wondering if people around me could be being fake (purpose unknown). And I kinda concluded 2 styles of being fake.
Fake Style 1
You know very well you're darn fake. Example Mr Sun Knight in the light novel mentioned above.
Fake Style 2
You act differently (in other words: fake) unconsciously given the situation. This is some sort of integration into the norm in order to escape harsh punishment from being deviant.
I believe Fake Style 2 is rampant, owing to the fact that people are social creatures and yearns acceptance. Thus, they will behave in ways to fit into the social norm. And that somehow makes Fake Style 2 inevitable.
But Fake Style 1 guys are really amusing. Especially Mr Sun Knight. The King of all Hypocrites. I'll totally be waiting for more updates, or just go on to practice reading in trad chinese characters.
And for those who had been following my entries (this one), none of the theories pertaining to non-bleeding conditions were true because this gal is now bleeding like a true blue oestrogen/progesterone babe. =P
Why not? We always have idols who are basically packaged and not being themselves. Or those who don't practice what they preach.
I'm not writing this entry to condemn anyone in particular. In fact, the idea of getting to know how fake people feel about themselves (being fake) was what interests me. I mean, c'mon. With so many roles to play in life, some people are just being more impartial about their different roles, and I don't blame for being unable to unify themselves to a single true identity.
Here's how the idea was introduced to me...
Taiwanese Light Novel by Ye Wo (blog)
If you ask me to read even the chinese title, I'm stuck with the first character.
Yes, I know I'm a disgrace to all Chinese, and I'm working on it. But thankfully, there are English translations available.
That's Legend of the Sun Knight. (Though I believe the English title is not that relevant to its Chinese counterpart.)
It's about a knight who works as the Holy messenger of God in a world where the Gods reign. Chosen based on his physical appearance (he has blond hair and blue eyes), he has to be always smiling and forgiving. He has to praise God once in every 3 sentences. But it was all but a facade. Deep down, he's just an angst-y young man. It was really entertaining watching the pains he go through to maintain his holiness.
I just can't help wondering if people around me could be being fake (purpose unknown). And I kinda concluded 2 styles of being fake.
Fake Style 1
You know very well you're darn fake. Example Mr Sun Knight in the light novel mentioned above.
Fake Style 2
You act differently (in other words: fake) unconsciously given the situation. This is some sort of integration into the norm in order to escape harsh punishment from being deviant.
I believe Fake Style 2 is rampant, owing to the fact that people are social creatures and yearns acceptance. Thus, they will behave in ways to fit into the social norm. And that somehow makes Fake Style 2 inevitable.
But Fake Style 1 guys are really amusing. Especially Mr Sun Knight. The King of all Hypocrites. I'll totally be waiting for more updates, or just go on to practice reading in trad chinese characters.
And for those who had been following my entries (this one), none of the theories pertaining to non-bleeding conditions were true because this gal is now bleeding like a true blue oestrogen/progesterone babe. =P
Monday, August 16, 2010
She will be loved
To entirely honest, I was just counting to laugh at U kiss, this korean boyband in their variety show U kiss Vampire and then hit the sack, but somehow their campfire conversations made me cry for real.
I don't really know the members by name (I suck at korean pronunciation) but there was 2 particular stories I felt was extremely striking and somehow you just can't help being helpless.
Soohyun lost his dad when he was in grade 2 (approx Primary 1 in Singapore, 7 years old), saying he was stupid not to realise how his dad wasn't going to get better.
And yes, I think we're always stupid, 7 year old, 17 year old whichever. There's no helping to not knowing when someone leaves you forever. Not knowing when it will be the last time you will see someone, be it family, friends and even rivals. Everything else, job performance, money becomes so trivial.
Kiseop recovered from depression because of his mum's love. He was depressed from repeated failures to enter the "idol" industry. He snapped out of it because he knows his mum is supportive of him and feels for his pains.
Kevin was crying in the scene. I was too. Because I have been through times where I know she stood by me. I always thought I will never get married and have kids because I am not confident of giving my children that kind of selfless love. And my parents are the major market spoilers.
I have to say that was too much depth for a laugh-yourself-to-sleep variety show. But I do take away one thing for the night, that is no matter what happens, Maroon 5's got it right: She will be loved, not just by the significant other, but by everyone else too.
I don't really know the members by name (I suck at korean pronunciation) but there was 2 particular stories I felt was extremely striking and somehow you just can't help being helpless.
Soohyun lost his dad when he was in grade 2 (approx Primary 1 in Singapore, 7 years old), saying he was stupid not to realise how his dad wasn't going to get better.
And yes, I think we're always stupid, 7 year old, 17 year old whichever. There's no helping to not knowing when someone leaves you forever. Not knowing when it will be the last time you will see someone, be it family, friends and even rivals. Everything else, job performance, money becomes so trivial.
Kiseop recovered from depression because of his mum's love. He was depressed from repeated failures to enter the "idol" industry. He snapped out of it because he knows his mum is supportive of him and feels for his pains.
Kevin was crying in the scene. I was too. Because I have been through times where I know she stood by me. I always thought I will never get married and have kids because I am not confident of giving my children that kind of selfless love. And my parents are the major market spoilers.
I have to say that was too much depth for a laugh-yourself-to-sleep variety show. But I do take away one thing for the night, that is no matter what happens, Maroon 5's got it right: She will be loved, not just by the significant other, but by everyone else too.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Doubting my womanhood
This is a personal issue and it involves blood.
Well basically, I have not been ovulating as much as I should be. And this is when I start to speculate alot about what's happening to me.
Theory 1: Hysterical Pregnancy
Put forth by popular culture, namely Glee, Schuster's wife or ex-wife (sorry for the spoiler for laggards), I may be having some false pregnancy, accompanied by lack of male sexual companions at a sexually viable age. At least this explains the random nausea after my inception movie...
Theory 2: Ovaries in command
This is my own hypothesis that my ovaries are delaying ovulation by the cycle to conserve ova when the male sexual companions finally comes into the picture.
Theory 3: Lifestyle of a POW
By POW, I meant prisoner of war. What war? I'm curious too. But apparently, change in diet and heavy exercise can disrupt the cycles, I associate major lifestyle changes as mention above to be caused by war... Ok, I was irregular since final year and the problem persisted through my Europe backpacking trip (yes. I carry a dozen sanitary pads all over Europe and end up not having to use them) and up to today (YOG practices = too much exercise?)
Theory 4: Pre-mature Menopause
Menopause at the age of 22 is NO joke. I should just get myself a title on Guinness World Records.
Theory 5: Surrogated Unknowingly
Like how aliens abduct your Sims and they return to give birth to the alien race in the game of the Sims, I could have been unknowingly surrogated and thus pregnant and unable to menstruate.
Theory 6: Spiked with the Pill
Could my entire life by a reality TV show, like the Truman Show? And on and off, the sponsors, in this case the contraceptive pill marketers, are demonstrating to the viewers the effects of how the Pill can regulate cycles. So they spiked my food and drinks with the Pill, thus ovulation deficiency.
Theory 7: I'm a hermaphrodite
Without the scrotum and the penis, that is. And the male part is surfacing now due to a testosterone overdose.
But all in all, I'm still regularly girl-ish. I could be fantasizing over Megan Fox, but that doesn't stop me from checking out that guy outside Oschool just now. Did I mention guys who can dance can be hotter than the regular guys? Like Taemin compared to other SHINee guys. =D
And I hate the way the doctors handle my cases from time to time. Not bleeding for close to 4-5 months is NOT normal, especially when I'm like extra virgin (yes like olive oil...). And stop giving me pregnancy kits for God's sake!!
Anyways, complaints aside, I still embrace my womanhood, like how I keep noticing my boobs shrunk. Yea... I did noticed that..
Well basically, I have not been ovulating as much as I should be. And this is when I start to speculate alot about what's happening to me.
Theory 1: Hysterical Pregnancy
Put forth by popular culture, namely Glee, Schuster's wife or ex-wife (sorry for the spoiler for laggards), I may be having some false pregnancy, accompanied by lack of male sexual companions at a sexually viable age. At least this explains the random nausea after my inception movie...
Theory 2: Ovaries in command
This is my own hypothesis that my ovaries are delaying ovulation by the cycle to conserve ova when the male sexual companions finally comes into the picture.
Theory 3: Lifestyle of a POW
By POW, I meant prisoner of war. What war? I'm curious too. But apparently, change in diet and heavy exercise can disrupt the cycles, I associate major lifestyle changes as mention above to be caused by war... Ok, I was irregular since final year and the problem persisted through my Europe backpacking trip (yes. I carry a dozen sanitary pads all over Europe and end up not having to use them) and up to today (YOG practices = too much exercise?)
Theory 4: Pre-mature Menopause
Menopause at the age of 22 is NO joke. I should just get myself a title on Guinness World Records.
Theory 5: Surrogated Unknowingly
Like how aliens abduct your Sims and they return to give birth to the alien race in the game of the Sims, I could have been unknowingly surrogated and thus pregnant and unable to menstruate.
Theory 6: Spiked with the Pill
Could my entire life by a reality TV show, like the Truman Show? And on and off, the sponsors, in this case the contraceptive pill marketers, are demonstrating to the viewers the effects of how the Pill can regulate cycles. So they spiked my food and drinks with the Pill, thus ovulation deficiency.
Theory 7: I'm a hermaphrodite
Without the scrotum and the penis, that is. And the male part is surfacing now due to a testosterone overdose.
But all in all, I'm still regularly girl-ish. I could be fantasizing over Megan Fox, but that doesn't stop me from checking out that guy outside Oschool just now. Did I mention guys who can dance can be hotter than the regular guys? Like Taemin compared to other SHINee guys. =D
And I hate the way the doctors handle my cases from time to time. Not bleeding for close to 4-5 months is NOT normal, especially when I'm like extra virgin (yes like olive oil...). And stop giving me pregnancy kits for God's sake!!
Anyways, complaints aside, I still embrace my womanhood, like how I keep noticing my boobs shrunk. Yea... I did noticed that..
Monday, August 9, 2010
The story of Metamorphosis
Today, I am going to do a common entry for this blog and my more depressed blog. Basically coz I believe everyone, no matter how optimistic, will have their days down. So why do I have to hide the fact that I'm down? It's my human right.
Have you ever admired how butterflies flock from flowers to flowers with their beautiful wings flapping in the sky? (Never mind if you have butterfly-phobia...) As agents of pollination, they help turn flowers to fruits so that the plant continue to survive and reproduce and the world will be a big nice garden for us all.
Now here's the childhood/secondary school era story about the butterfly. There was one little boy who kept his pet caterpillar for the sake of watching it turn into a beautiful butterfly. He watched it grew, turned into a pupa and all. But one fine day, he was watching how the would-be butterfly struggle out of its cocoon. "Oh let's help it", so he thought, and went to aid the butterfly get out of its cocoon with the snip of his scissors. The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with shriveled wings.
Here's the catch. The butterfly is supposed to struggle so that it can fully develop its wings and get the fluid out of its swollen body so that it can take flight.
I thought of how we are so preoccupied about our million distractions in life and anxious about getting the job done, we forgot how it was the process and journey that mattered most.
Struggle is a precursor to growth. Yes, I may not be the best, but I will try hard to be the best that I can be. Call this self-consolation whichever, I don't give a f*ck.
To turn from pupa to adult is no easy feat for the butterfly. I don't see why in this complex society we create for ourselves, turning adult is any easier. Age doesn't turn you into an adult. It's the Social Identity and who we are; it's the Solidarity and integration into the society; it's the Intimacy and seeking for the special one (at least according to my favourite Erik Erikson's developmental theory).
But here's an irony and what I reckon is the reason behind stunted struggle attempts of fresh grads and source of office politics for the others in pursuit to climb the corporate ladder.
The saying goes:
Give me a fish, you've only fed me for today. Teach me to fish, and you've fed me for a lifetime.
But of course there's a crucial part the author forgot:
Teach me to fish, and there's lesser fish to go around and we may both go hungry.
Cruel reality of demand and supply huh?
Have you ever admired how butterflies flock from flowers to flowers with their beautiful wings flapping in the sky? (Never mind if you have butterfly-phobia...) As agents of pollination, they help turn flowers to fruits so that the plant continue to survive and reproduce and the world will be a big nice garden for us all.
Now here's the childhood/secondary school era story about the butterfly. There was one little boy who kept his pet caterpillar for the sake of watching it turn into a beautiful butterfly. He watched it grew, turned into a pupa and all. But one fine day, he was watching how the would-be butterfly struggle out of its cocoon. "Oh let's help it", so he thought, and went to aid the butterfly get out of its cocoon with the snip of his scissors. The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with shriveled wings.
Here's the catch. The butterfly is supposed to struggle so that it can fully develop its wings and get the fluid out of its swollen body so that it can take flight.
I thought of how we are so preoccupied about our million distractions in life and anxious about getting the job done, we forgot how it was the process and journey that mattered most.
Struggle is a precursor to growth. Yes, I may not be the best, but I will try hard to be the best that I can be. Call this self-consolation whichever, I don't give a f*ck.
To turn from pupa to adult is no easy feat for the butterfly. I don't see why in this complex society we create for ourselves, turning adult is any easier. Age doesn't turn you into an adult. It's the Social Identity and who we are; it's the Solidarity and integration into the society; it's the Intimacy and seeking for the special one (at least according to my favourite Erik Erikson's developmental theory).
But here's an irony and what I reckon is the reason behind stunted struggle attempts of fresh grads and source of office politics for the others in pursuit to climb the corporate ladder.
The saying goes:
Give me a fish, you've only fed me for today. Teach me to fish, and you've fed me for a lifetime.
But of course there's a crucial part the author forgot:
Teach me to fish, and there's lesser fish to go around and we may both go hungry.
Cruel reality of demand and supply huh?
She's so hot I'm gonna dieeee
Coming from a variation of Despicable Me's Agnes's most loved quote for her FLUFFY unicorn, I'm totally doing that Agnes's thing at Megan Fox.
She's so hooot I'm gonna diee!!!
Here's the epic shot of Megan Fox from Transformers (2007).
]
Aww... I wish I was him. Or even Amanda Seyfried, or even the goth and football dudes who died in Jennifer's Body (2009).
Sexy behind the scenes of the lake scene.
Ok, I will admit, she's so yummy I decide to watch Jennifer's Body despite how crappy the story went. And boy, I'm turning all lesbo now.
But then coming from Megan Fox during one of her interviews
"all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes"
She can't be more right. I absolutely subscribe to this goddess's belief. (Ok.. But technically I'm still heterosexual.)
And I guess that's Happy National (Independence) Day Singapore, since it's past midnight according to GMT +8:00. May the nation continue to prosper the way the fireworks go KaboomZ in the night skyline (so that as a citizen, I can hurry up get a well-fitted job).
She's so hooot I'm gonna diee!!!
Here's the epic shot of Megan Fox from Transformers (2007).
]Aww... I wish I was him. Or even Amanda Seyfried, or even the goth and football dudes who died in Jennifer's Body (2009).
Sexy behind the scenes of the lake scene.
Ok, I will admit, she's so yummy I decide to watch Jennifer's Body despite how crappy the story went. And boy, I'm turning all lesbo now.
But then coming from Megan Fox during one of her interviews
"all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes"
She can't be more right. I absolutely subscribe to this goddess's belief. (Ok.. But technically I'm still heterosexual.)
And I guess that's Happy National (Independence) Day Singapore, since it's past midnight according to GMT +8:00. May the nation continue to prosper the way the fireworks go KaboomZ in the night skyline (so that as a citizen, I can hurry up get a well-fitted job).
Friday, August 6, 2010
Procrastination kills the dog?
Since curiosity already killed the cat.
I love how insanely quirky my humour can be at times.
So this time I'm writing back @ World of small things for 2 main reasons:
1. I'm an angst-y unemployed degree holder with second lower class honours with no purpose in life other than write a blog, since I'm not qualified write journals or articles.
2. Why hole up the angst and cry at night? Just vent them here. Duh...
As you can see, the world had been unkind to this midget standing 147cm, perhaps for her inconspicuous height, or her 2nd tier bachelor.
Or let's just say I'm the adventurous working class kid venturing into possibilities of social class mobility. That always makes it sound like I'm a all damn important heroine in your daily manga feed. And to some point, I am sure I am that heroine who makes you laugh till you tear, cry along at her plight and inspire you from the bottom of your heart. (So Thumbelina's optimism can actually be derived from writing a blog entry)
Besides, like how athletes should separate sports performance from self-esteem, your all important manga heroine has to do the same to separate corporate penetration performance from self-esteem. After all, who needs a boring heroine?
I love how insanely quirky my humour can be at times.
So this time I'm writing back @ World of small things for 2 main reasons:
1. I'm an angst-y unemployed degree holder with second lower class honours with no purpose in life other than write a blog, since I'm not qualified write journals or articles.
2. Why hole up the angst and cry at night? Just vent them here. Duh...
As you can see, the world had been unkind to this midget standing 147cm, perhaps for her inconspicuous height, or her 2nd tier bachelor.
Or let's just say I'm the adventurous working class kid venturing into possibilities of social class mobility. That always makes it sound like I'm a all damn important heroine in your daily manga feed. And to some point, I am sure I am that heroine who makes you laugh till you tear, cry along at her plight and inspire you from the bottom of your heart. (So Thumbelina's optimism can actually be derived from writing a blog entry)
Besides, like how athletes should separate sports performance from self-esteem, your all important manga heroine has to do the same to separate corporate penetration performance from self-esteem. After all, who needs a boring heroine?
Friday, May 7, 2010
Mission 14: Ipod Touch
When you thought the world is simple if you're using a Macbook with an Ipod Touch.
THINK AGAIN.
Seriously. That copyright thing with itunes got me going round and round like a hopeless noob.
Isn't this supposed to be easy?
Sorry Apple/Ipod fans out there. This complain has to go down.
1st of all:
> I cannot backup my mp3 from Ipod to itunes. It works one way.
THINK AGAIN.
Seriously. That copyright thing with itunes got me going round and round like a hopeless noob.
Isn't this supposed to be easy?
Sorry Apple/Ipod fans out there. This complain has to go down.
1st of all:
> I cannot backup my mp3 from Ipod to itunes. It works one way.
> You thought you have the Copytrans? Oh wait, only works in Windows OS.
> And you thought boot camp solves it all. Oh Wait... w/o itunes in Windows 7, Ipod is a Camera device.
> And finally you get it all going, oh CRAP, trail version only allows 100 songs backup.
Nvm that I decided my friend's playlist is superior enough to command some space in that 8 GB.
Man I'm thrown and I don't know what to do
> And you thought boot camp solves it all. Oh Wait... w/o itunes in Windows 7, Ipod is a Camera device.
> And finally you get it all going, oh CRAP, trail version only allows 100 songs backup.
Nvm that I decided my friend's playlist is superior enough to command some space in that 8 GB.
Man I'm thrown and I don't know what to do
I guess I got to give part 2 of my complaints
(Lyrics ripped off from Confessions part II by Usher)
> Nvm about the danger of Sync-ing my itunes with the Ipod and killing its contents in the blink of an eye
> Oh I can't upload Apps one by one using itunes w/o using the Sync function and killing all existing Apps already in the Ipod.
I know nobody borrows Ipod touch these days since kids are affluent enough to own Iphones. No kidding. A stone throw and any of those school uniform clad fellas can summon an Iphone out of their school uniform's pocket.
And here, we have an oddball, 20 something, having to suffer the consequences of copyright protection by itunes, just because she decided to borrow a good old Ipod from a friend.
Geesh. I'm tired. Grateful but tired.
Countdown to trip : 3 days
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Mission 13: Set up a travel blog
I'm so glued to the manga Watashi ni XX shinasai that I'm writing like the mangaka.
(btw. a small translation: Watashi ni XX shinasai means Please do XX to/with me, how assertive...)
Basically, Yukina creates missions for her "love game" counterpart Shigure in almost all the chapters. And I'm creating missions for myself, now that I'm an official freeloader.
So there you go: Mission 13 (coz starting from 1 is damn noob)
Set up a travel blog.
But of coz, with HTML knowledge dating back from Neopets era (yes, self-taught HTML from experimenting "decors" in my Neopet shop.) and all that Web 2.0 ya-duhs, I found myself going to tutorial after tutorials to get this whole thing going.
What labels? What blogger widgets? What XML? Geez...
Hindered slightly, but fairyland-dust.blogspot.com will be up in no time, giving you real-time updates across the globe (that is if I manage to hole myself near in a Wifi hub)
Countdown to take off: 11 days
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